Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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