I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
