Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
