goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
