For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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