Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
