Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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