Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
