just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
