Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
