she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize