I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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