I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
