That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
