...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
