and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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