I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
