I'm so fucking centered right now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
