1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Randomize
