You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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