Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.