I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
