my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
