We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
