can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
