So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
