I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
