They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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