Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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