Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
