I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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