problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
