You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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