She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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