I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
