tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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