she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh god it's open bar.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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