I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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