I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
