dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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