His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
