What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
