just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize