So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
