i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
