then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
