I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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