I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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