forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
