She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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