This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
