i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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