On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
