I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
