his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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