420 ftw
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
