Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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