don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Randomize
