Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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