The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
