I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
